Keep Your Girlfriend Close, But Your Enemies Closer: 13 Ways Relationships Are Like Business
We often will confide in our friends that our relationships feel a lot like work. And it’s true, relationships are hard work, and many of us end up with partners that are sleeping on the job. Sometimes, that lemon of a partner may even be ourselves.
A lot of us have been in jobs we knew weren’t working out, but were afraid of being unemployed, and stayed. We’ve probably done the same in relationships. We’ve agreed to conditions we knew weren’t right for us in order to keep the peace, and maybe we’ve started to look at those classified ads even while still ‘in bed’ with our current partner.
The truth is, relationships are a lot like business relationships, in ways both good and bad. And maintaining both require a lot of the same considerations. “I counsel couples to run their relationships more like they run their businesses. Many women think this is unromantic, but if more couples did so, they’d be better off,” says Dr. Nancy B. Irwin, a therapist and clinical hypnotist.
“I suggest they hold a weekly meeting to review key issues (money, chores, sex, etc.) and check in with one another,” Most businesses hold weekly staff meetings to review key issues before things go awry and begin to fester. “I find this lays a foundation for more intimacy, romance, and spontaneity. Each partner generally feels heard, cared for, and safer in the relationship,” says Dr. Irwin. “The check-in is not a time to be critical or complain. It is a time to make suggestions of what would be preferable, what is working beautifully, and what could use some improvement.”
1. Planning
“Before anyone goes into a new business venture, you will do a SWOT analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats) as those looking to bring more love in our lives, we too need to do a SWOT analysis of ourselves,” says Darren Pierre, a speaker, educator and author of The Invitation to Love: Recognizing the Gift Despite Pain, Fear, and Resistance. “Asking questions, like how am I holistically healthy enough to hold space for another person, is a key question to ask before entering into a serious relationship with another person. Second, business like relationships take time, we have to ride the wave. Stocks fall, the economy fluctuates, but those who find success are often those who are able to be nimble while flexing their might to persist,” says Pierre. Relationships will have their own metaphorical rise and falls, a person’s ability to adapt with their ever-evolving relationship, and persist despite difficulties is key.
2. Making That Connection
What are the chances you will meet the love of our life in a bar? Probably about the same chance that you will meet your next biggest client at a networking event. “Instead of concentrating on high-traffic networking events to find new relationships, utilize introductions. Getting an introduction from another client or friend is like going on a blind date set up by a friend. Each is an opportunity to meet and get to know one another, gain approval, and move in to the “dating/courtship” stage,” says Joleen Jaworski, President and Owner of Business Clubs America (BCA) of Philadelphia.
3. Desperation’s Never Sexy
When dating, one thing that can stop everything in its tracks is the scent of desperation. This is similar in business. “When someone is looking for a new client, account or business relationship, desperation can turn off the opportunity quickly. Coming from a place of confidence and being able to clearly speak about value in addition to being interested in the collaboration is what will help to cultivate a positive business relationship. Dating is similar in that attraction often happens when people come from a place of clear confidence, being able to speak about who they are without reservation while being curious and engaged in who the other person is,” says Michael Diettrich-Chastain, a Licensed Professional Counselor, Consultant, Coach and Facilitator with a private consulting and counseling business in Asheville, NC.
4. Seduction (And Betrayal)
In business, just as in relationships, there is a pure seduction that is required in order to savor the longevity of success, says Chavaz Kingman, Corporate Trainer, Executive Consultant, Author & CEO. “Over time you must get to know and trust those whom you do business with and if ever they seek someone else, it is a painful betrayal almost equivalent to that of adultery. What this means is that, just as you must work to keep your romantic partner happy, you have to work to keep those who you do business with happy. The love making language of business is repeat business, its climax: an even better referral,” says Kingman.
5. Chemistry & The Chase
Whether it’s for romance or business, people spend time with people they like to be with, says Paige Arnof-Fenn, Founder & CEO of Mavens & Moguls Mavens & Moguls. That being said, “The harder you chase them, the faster they run away. When it’s over, cut your losses and move on as fast as you can. The abusers never do change,” says Arnof-Fenn.
6. Contract Disputes
Relationships are like a business because both involve a contract, whether verbal or implied and both involve a degree of trust. “In business contracts spell out what each party will do and in relationships there is a contract that each will abide by certain rules. Most relationships have an agreement that both parties will be honest and faithful. In business there has to be trust that one party will do something and the other party will fulfill their obligation,” says Gary Spivak, founder of FidelityDating, a dating site for people who have been cheated on or betrayed and singles seeking faithful partners.
“For instance, a customer will pay for a product and the business will be obligated to provide the product defect free. There will be breach of contract if the customer pays and the business doesn’t provide the product of the product is defective. In relationships there has to be trust, if trust is broken there is nothing for the relationship to stand on,” says Spivak.
7. Respond, Don’t React
It’s incredibly easy when in a relationship for a simple difference of opinion to debate into slamming doors and ignored phone calls. “When conflict arises — and it will — between you and customers or between you and a significant other, it’s crucial to think through your response before spouting off. If proving that you’re right comes at the expense of the relationship, you’ll suffer a lot more than just a hit to your ego,” says Joan Barnard, resident dating and relationship expert and blog editor for Zoosk, and host of the weekly Ask Joan Actually dating advice series on YouTube.
8. Maintaining Your Brand
You’ll have less to prove if a strong reputation precedes you. “If you’ve handled yourself poorly in the past with customers or exes, it’s never too late to make amends. Referrals and personalized intros are the best way to build meaningful relationships,” says Barnard.
9. Brainstorming
“Often there is not one way to solve a problem and as a member of a team or work group, or relationship utilize each other to think outside the box. Brainstorming should just be a safe, relaxed but formal opportunity to just list as many ideas as possible about how to solve a problem,” says Carrie Krawiec, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Birmingham Maple Clinic in Troy, Mich. and executive director of Michigan Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Every idea is a good idea. Use humor. Have fun. Rule out impossible ideas and rough out a plan.
10. Supply And Demand
“When patrons frequent your business, they are doing so with the thought that there is something that you are offering that is valuable in their own life. Conversely, you assess the patrons’ ability to pay/effective use of the goods/services you are providing. In relationships, like business, we are each offered the invitation to asses those who want to ‘patronize’ our hearts and we owe it to them and more importantly ourselves to ascertain their ability to pay for those goods and services, that is our love,” says Pierre. Basically, are you getting good value for your love? Is your partner loving you right back?
11. Use Encouragement
When we are pleased with a client or business colleague we follow up with gratitude or encouragement. In our relationships we often forget to do this, says Krawiec. “There should be five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. If you were a boss or employer you would know not to overly use criticism, and the same should be done in the home,” says Krawiec.
12. Maintenance
In both relationships, it’s important to maintain good will. “This means to see and hear your partner and value and validate them. In a relationship, for example, it’s important to respect your partner, remember important events, and be alert to signs of distress or danger,” says Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., a nationally recognized family and child development expert, author, and educator. Of course, this is also important in business. In both situations, partners need to feel secure, and feel their needs are being met. “If problems cannot be solved in-house, both businesses and personal relationships must seek outside help. Business partners may reach for consultants while relationship partners may reach for a counselor to solve problems and reignite his/her relationship,” says Gross.
13. Knowing When To Quit
Finally, if the relationship or business partnership just can’t work, it’s important to recognize when to throw in the towel and leave. “In business, your best loss is your first loss. And in relationships, it’s important torecognize when to quit, when you’ve run out of options and when your sense of self and emotional well-being is in jeopardy,” says Dr. Gross.
